Maria Antonietta has chosen not to have children because she feels that motherhood requires total dedication, which is incompatible with her life full of passions and activities. She rejects the idea that a woman without children is “empty”, stating that she is the mother of her own works and of all the creatures she loves and protects. For her, being a parent means taking care of every child and improving the world before bringing more children into it.

Questa testimonianza è stata raccolta all’interno del progetto “ANNOTU – Lingua sarda come lingua materna” con il contributo della Fondazione di Sardegna.

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Ecco la trascrizione completa del video:

MARIA ANTONIETTA: «I am Maria Antonietta and I am from the Temple. When people ask me “what do you do?” I never know what to answer because I have always been pretty restless. I’ve been going back and forth all my life, since I was little, here, there… I do a lot of things and very often without profit, actually, almost always without profit for me. But it’s as if the things to do are chasing me.
And maybe that’s why I’ve never even thought about having kids. Because I am convinced that when you bring children into the world you must devote all your time to them, all you can and everything else takes a back seat. And for me to have children I should have given up too many things which I care about. I was not able to choose this thing, to decide to leave everything behind in order to have children. Also because I am convinced that not everyone is born to have children, to be mothers or fathers. In fact, if you look around you realize that a lot of people who unfortunately brought children into the world are unable to support them. And sometimes these children are pretty unlucky; abandoned or abused, or they don’t get all the attention that they should receive. That alone should suffice to realize that the idea that we must all have children, otherwise… it is pointless for us to be in this world, as this is more or less the mentality. It’s just a mindset. Completely messed up. No way.
I remember that many years ago a friend of mine got married, we used to play together as little girls in the street in front of my house. She had married and had immediately said, “Ah, I don’t want any children.” And this thing… was a scandal: “How come you don’t want kids? You get married and you don’t want kids?” And she said she didn’t feel it was her thing. It had been quite a thing… They had criticized her a lot. And I, even though I was still young, I was saying: but why do you have to criticize her? She’s right, she’s building her family, they love each other… This is what she wants! What’s there to say? It’s a habit, this thing. Something that’ been really inculcated, which makes no sense. Also because…
Well, I didn’t have any children, but… and I don’t want any, and never did, but at some point I might have given it some thoughts… hoping for a girl, because with boys I wouldn’t have known who to do. Actually… all these problems I was having, this great fear of motherhood, because the slightest thought of getting pregnant made me tremble and sweat, I was afraid of everything, and I always thought I wasn’t good to raise a child… in the end, all these things tell you: no, this is not your thing, you’re not a good fit. And, going back to what I was saying, however, it’s not that I don’t like children, on the contrary! I like them a lot, I play with them, when I see them, my heart opens. I’m very maternal… but I’m not a mammal! I don’t know if you can say that.
In Tempio language the word “Vacantìa” is used to indicate a person who had no children. It’s a very ugly word, because “Vacantìa” means empty. But if there is a word that doesn’t represent me at all… is this one. Empty. My life is so full. And I, deep inside, am even fuller. So, anything but vacantìa! Also because people may not be moms physically but they can be moms in many other ways. Because all the things we do… not just the little things, the big things, “artistic” things, let’s call them that: my life is full of these. All our works are our children. They have a life, that depends on what we put inside them, they talk to those who look at them, who touch them, who interact with them. They are our daughters, they take what we’ve filled them with and what we are ourselves. And so… well, I’m a mom, I’m the mother of a lot of things. And my children, who are not human children, communicate in a different way, they go around the world differently, and they have a lot of things to say all the same. So, how can you say “Vacantìa?” No way.
It is true though, that I can’t even say that… despite the mindset and all, I can’t even say that it was my family to pressure one way or the other. Because among my relatives there are people who had children, even a boatload of children, I have some relatives who had a lot of them, some even 13. Opposite my house, lived a family with 15 children, they still live there, some of them… I have relatives who have failed to have children with great regret… I mean, I’ve had all kinds of examples. So, it’s not like I’ve had family pressures, no… It’s just the way it is. But I realized, over time, that when things go in a certain way, this is not by accident. It is we who, without even realizing it, make them go this way. Can I say that I have chosen not to have children? No, because I could say: it didn’t happen, because I didn’t form that family suitable for having children. Because children should have a stable family, a house… things I couldn’t have given to them. But, without realizing it, I’m the one who made things to go in that direction. I’m the one who decided, without even knowing it, because I followed my instinct, which was not to bring children into the world, because my creatures are different.
And it’s a beautiful thing anyway. As one of the most important things on earth is the fact that we are all different. And as we need those who have children, to carry humankind forward, otherwise there is no one left… and those who do other things. And even those who do other things, they do it to offer something good to those kids. Because I am convinced that if I do something nice, this wonderful thing is also useful for other people’s children. And it’s not important if they’re not my kids, because other people’s children are still my children. Because they are all my children. It depends on the soul, not from what you’ve decided to bring into the world personally. No. When I see a child, is like my own child, so much so that I’ve always said… Well, I’m a peaceful person, but if I happen to see someone hurting a child, even never seen, never known… I am capable of killing to defend this creature. So, can I really say that I’m not maternal? No, because all the children are my children. And I think that … often, people… shut themselves away a little too much within their own families. And the very fact of having to dedicate a long time, a lot of energies for their children, prevents them in a way to think about other people’s children. I’d like to see a different mindset, and think that every creature is as our own. And that we should do everything to protect them, to feed them, to ensure that they lack nothing. For me, this means being a mom and a dad. Then… one is confronted with the fact that people make fewer and fewer children.
Firstly, I would say that we are realizing that not everyone is fit to have children, and it is better if they don’t.. Just looking around… you realize that not everybody can raise the children that brought into the world. But, really in this moment, considering how things are looking out for the future… I ask myself if it is really a good moment to bring children into the world. If you don’t do something to make this world better, I think it is vert difficult to raise children the way every child has the right to: the right to feel good.»

Gallurese:

MARIA ANTONIETTA: «Éu socu Maria Antonietta e socu timpiésa. Candu mi dummandani “cosa fai, tuni?”, no socu mai cosa rispundini palchì éu socu nata a usu baddaròcculu; andu e torru, tutta la ‘ita, da candu éra minóri, chici, chindi, fòcciu un saccu di cosi e umbè di ‘olti senza pruvettu, anzi: quasi sempri senza pruvettu pal me. Parò è com’e chi li cosi di fà mi pònghini fattu. E forsi è pal chistu chi no aggju mai pinsatu mancu d’aé fiddóli. Palchì éu socu cunvinta chi candu unu arréca a lu mundu una criatura li dé dà tuttu lu so’ tempu, tutta la so’ attinzioni, tutti li cosi pussìbbuli e tutti l’alti cosi pàssani addarétu. Ed éu pa’ aé fiddóli aria duutu rinuncià a troppi cosi chi invecci mi intaressa pultà addananzi. No socu stata in gradu di sciuarà chista cosa, di dizidì di lacammi tuttu a li spaddi pa’ aé fiddóli. Ancóra palchì éu socu cunvinta chi no tutti li passoni sìani nati pa’ aé fiddóli. Pa’ esse mammi o babbi. Anzi. Unu si figgjula in tundu e si rendi contu chi un saccu di gjenti chi purtroppo à arricatu a lu mundu fiddóli no li sà tiné. E chisti criaturi so un pocu disgraziati di li ‘olti; abbandunati o maltrattati, o comunque no ani tutti li attinzioni e lu curi chi doarìani aé. Sólu chistu ci doaria bastà pa’ rindicci contu chi chist’idea chi pa’ folza démi aé fiddóli palchì sinnoni…è innùttili chi semu a lu mundu, chi guasi è chista la mentalitai. È, appuntu, sólu una mentalitai. Cumpletamenti sballata. No esisti.
Éu m’ammentu, umbè d’anni fani s’éra spusata una me’ amica, cioè, éra una stédda chi gjucaami insembi illa carréra. S’éra spusata e idda sùbbitu aia dittu: “Ah, éu fiddóli no ni ‘óddu.” E chista cosa.. éra unu scàndalu: “Eh, comu no vói fiddóli? Ti séi spusendi pa’ no fà stéddi?” e idda dicia “Si, no ni ‘óddu, éu, di stéddi, no mi sentu pultata”, éra una cosa.. l’aìani criticata abbeddu. Ed éu, ancóra siddu no éra tantu manna, dicia ma palchì l’éti di criticani? À rasgioni, s’è fendi la so’ famìglia, si ‘óni be’…è lu chi vó! Cosa aéti di dì? È un abitudine chista cosa. È una cosa chi ci ani veramenti inculcatu, chi no à sensu. Ancóra palchì.. allora, éu fiddóli no n’aggju autu, però… e no ni ‘oddu, e no n’aggju ‘ulutu, forse v’aggju pinsatu d’aélla calche stédda, pocu, spirendi chi éra fèmina, palchì cu’ li mascitti no aria saputu mancu comu fani, a dì la ‘iritai…tutti chistu prublemi chi mi punia, chista grande paura chi aia di la maternitai, palchì sólu a l’idea di filmà incinta trimaa, sudaa, timia tuttu, e aggju sempri pinsatu puru di no esse brava a educà un fiddólu… A la fini tutti chisti cosi ti dìcini: no, no è chista la to’ strada, no séi adatta
E, turrendi a lu chi éra dicendi, però, no è chi pal chistu li stéddi no mi piàcini, anzi. Mi piàcini abbeddu, vi gjócu, candu li ‘icu mi s’abbri lu córi. Socu Materna, è chi no socu mammifera! No lu socu siddu si póssia dì cussini. In timpiésu si tratta la paràula “vacantia”, pa’ ingnittà una passona chi no à autu fiddóli. È una paràula bruttissima, palchì vacantia vó dì “bóita”. Ma siddu v’è una paràula chi própriu no mi riguarda è própriu chista. Bóita. La me’ ‘ita è pienissima. Ed éu, indrentu di me, socu ancóra più piena. Quindi alt’e che vacantia! Ancóra palchì li passoni póni no esse mammi fisicamente ma póni esse mammi d’una marea di cosi. Palchì tutti li cosi chi femu e no sólu li piccoli cosi e li cosi manni, “artistiche” cjamemuli cussini, la me’ ‘ita è piena di chisti cosi. Parò tutti l’ópari chi nói femu,so nostri fiddóli. Ani una ‘ita, chi dipendi da lu chi nói li punimu indrentu, faéddani a ca li ‘idi, a ca li tocca, a ca v’a a chi fà. So nostri fiddóli chi pìddani lu chi nói l’aemu postu indrentu e lu chi nói stessi semu. E quindi.. eccomu chi socu mamma, socu mamma d’un saccu di cosi. E li me’ fiddóli, chi no so stéddi, faéddani in un modu diversu, si n’àndani in gjiru pa’ lu mundu in un módu diversu, e ani un saccu di cosi di dì lu mattessi. E tandu comu si faci a dì vacantia? No esisti própriu.
Celtu chi, no póssu dini nemmancu chi (nonostante la mentalitai e tuttu cantu) no póssu dì nemmancu chi sia stata la me’ famìlia a fammi pressioni in un módu o ill’altu. Palchì illu me’ parentado v’à passoni chi ani autu fiddóli, una balca di fiddóli puru, aggju calch’e parenti chi n’à autu una marea, chi no ani autu fiddóli, puru 13. Di front’a me vi staggjia una famìlia cun 15 fiddóli…vi stani ancóra, l’ùltimi…aggju parenti chi no so risciuti a aé fiddóli cun grande dispiacere… insomma esempi n’aggju autu di dugna scéra. Quindi no è chi aggju autu própriu pressioni familiari, no…è andata cussì. Però mi socu avvista cu’ lu tempu, chi candu li cosi àndani in un celtu módu, no è pa’ casu. Semu nói chi, senza mancu avvideccinni, li femu andà in chistu módu. Éu póssu dì d’aé sciuaratu di no aé fiddóli? No, palchì póssu dì: no m’è capitatu. Palchì no aggju fulmatu chissa famìlia adatta pa’ aé fiddóli. Palchì li stéddi déni aé una famìlia stàbili, una casa…tutti cosi chi no l’aria pudutu dà. Ma, senza rindimminni contu, socu éu chi aggju pultatu li cosi a andà cussì. Socu éu chi aggju dizisu. Senza mancu sapélla. Palchì aggju sigutu lu me’ istintu. Chi éra chissu di no arricà a lu mundu criaturi in carr’e ossi, palchì li me’ criaturi so diversi. Ed è una cosa beddìssima lu mattessi. Palchì una di li cosi più impultanti innantu a la tarra è lu fattu chi semu veramenti tutti diversi. E ci ó ca faci li stéddi, pa’ pultà addananzi l’umanitai, sinnò no felma nisciunu, e ci ó ca faci altu. E puru chissi chi fàcini altu, so fendi li cosi pa’ da cosi boni a chissi stéddi. Palchì éu socu cunvinta chi siddu éu fòcciu una cosa bedda, chissa cosa bedda selvi puru a li stéddi di l’alti. E no è impultanti si no so stéddi méi, palchì li stéddi di l’alti so fiddóli méi lu mattessi. Palchì so tutti fiddóli méi. Dipendi da l’ànimu, no da lu chi tu ai dicisu di arricà a lu mundu cu’ la to’ passona. No. Candu éu vicu unu stéddu, è fiddólu méu lu mattessi. Tant’è véru chi éu aggju sempri dittu…allora, éu socu una passona pacìfica, ma siddu a me mi capitéssia di ‘idé calche unu fendi mali a unu stéddu, mai ‘istu, mai cunnisciutu…éu socu bona chi pa’ difindì chista criatura, ammazzu. E tandu póssu veramenti dì chi no socu materna? No. Palchì tutti li fiddóli, li stéddi, so me’ fiddóli. E pensu…umbè di ‘olti, li passoni, si strignini un pocaréddu troppu indrentu a la so’ famìlia. E própriu lu fattu di aé di punì umbè di tempu, umbè di folzi pa’ li so’ fiddóli li impidi in un celtu sensu di pinsà a li stéddi di l’alti. A me invecci mi piaciaria a vidé una mentalitai diversa, pinsà chi dugna criatura è puru nostra. E chi doarìami fà di tutti pa’ dalli protezioni, pa’ dall’a magnani, pa’ fà in módu chi no li mànchia nudda. Chistu pal me vó dì esse mamma e babbu.
Pói unu si poni addananzi lu fattu chi si fàcini sempri di mancu fiddóli. Primma di tutti v’è di dì chi ci semu rindendi contu chi appuntu no tutti so adatti pa’ fà li stéddi e umbè è meddu chi no si li fàcini, palchì basta figgjulassi in tundu…e ci rindimu contu chi no tutti so in gradu di pisà li stéddi chi ani pultatu a lu mundu. Però, in chistu mamentu veramenti, pa’ comu so li cosi, pa’ comu so andendi li cosi, cosa ci s’è pripparendi…éu mi dummandu si veramenti è lu mamentu di arricà a lu mundu stéddi. Siddu nói no femu calche cosarédda pa’ middurallu, primma, chistu mundu, crédu chi sia umbè diffìcili, pa’ li stéddi, dapói, criscì comu è gjustu chi créschia dugna criatura cu’ li diritti chi à. Cu’ lu dirittu di stà be’.»

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