Agostina recounts her life between motherhood and sacrifice. She describes the difficulties of balancing study, work and family, the trials she faced with her son’s illness and her decision to devote herself entirely to her three children. Today, looking at her children’s achievements, she feels fulfilled. She continues to encourage young people to have children and start a family, convinced that children are a great source of joy and fulfillment.

Questa testimonianza è stata raccolta all’interno del progetto “ANNOTU – Archivio partecipato in lingua sarda” con il contributo della Fondazione di Sardegna.

Please note! If you have not accepted the website’s cookies, viewing contents from YouTube may be disabled.

Vuoi ascoltare e leggere altre testimonianze? Sostieni l’archivio vivo di Lunàdigas!

Ecco la trascrizione completa del video:

AGOSTINA: «My name is Anna Agostina. I’m from Calangianus. I’m seventy years old. I am currently a widow and a housewife. I am a mother of three. A forty-six-year-old, the other is forty-one, and the youngest is thirty-six. So, I had – and wanted – my first daughter when I was still engaged, so I wasn’t married. And what’s more, I was studying: I was in my third year of university. And so, in that moment, ever since I got pregnant, I had to drop out of university. But I kept wanting… I waited for the baby girl to be born and when she was one year old, with all my good will, I said: “now I decide, I must reach my goal, I have to graduate”. I was enrolled in biological sciences.
And so, in that moment, I did it both for myself, first of all, and for my parents, because my parents had made so many sacrifices. Because my father was a labourer and mom was a housewife, so letting me study, although I was studying in Sassari, it was still pretty tiring, exhausting, and all the expenses weighed heavily on the whole family. I had promised it to my father, so I said, “I definitely will” but also with the support of my husband who had told me: “You may as well not continue, but it’s right both for you and for your family that you complete your life project “. And that is what I did. I started studying again, with sacrifice, I was missing six exams, and I graduated. I graduated and once I graduated I said to myself: “Well, now that I have achieved this goal I start working”.
Only then troubles started. Why troubles? Because I had the baby and although my mother took care of her, my work place was not close: I went to Santa Teresa, Golfo Aranci, I worked as a substitute teacher… so, my mom always had to be available, or my mother-in-law, but she was already old and couldn’t take care of the baby. So, reluctantly, I stayed home to look after the child.
Then, when I decided to start again, in 1984, the second child arrived so I had to take care of the other child. When the baby was just ten months old, I worked for a month in Olbia, at the commercial technical institute. Afterwards, more distant substitute teaching jobs… and then my husband said to me: “Oh no, that’s enough! We can’t take both children to the grandmothers…” There was no kindergarten. Today, however, there are kindergartens, that help both children grow well and mothers to be able to work. Because you don’t work just for the for salary, at least in my case, but to give something of oneself, to put into practice what one has studied, and not just staying at home and take care of the family, however much satisfaction the family can give. I tried to do something, but then, unfortunately, when my second son was seven years old, I had to stop everything abruptly, as unfortunately he got seriously ill, he was treated at Cagliari Hospital for a severe form of leukemia. He’s completely healed, but it took years of struggle, and I’ve always been by his side. Always by his side.
Then came the third child, So I said: “I’m going to devote myself to my family and that’s it”. And that is what I did. And I’m proud that I did it, because I’ve always tried to give the best in everything. And indeed, all this has been given back to me by my children, who gave me so much satisfaction. They are good kids, all three of them studied — some dropped out earlier, but still took the diploma — and they work, one of them takes care of the family business, even more so since the father passed away. All three good and hardworking. That was my satisfaction.
Of course, I’m seventy now, therefore the closest bond I have is with my daughter, she is forty-six years. I have two grandchildren: one is eleven and the other is eight. My daughter works as an accountant, but she gets herself organized so as not to not to work full-time, because, as she saw it from me, she tries to follow the family, and she can do it because she’s self-employed. I see that with much sacrifice she supports the family, but I’m sticking with the idea that children and family are fundamental.
I disagree with those who give up on having a family, because yes, it’s true that families absorb you, that as young people you want to go out, to travel, and having a family holds you back, but when a woman becomes a mother, she is one forever. Even now, I still worry about them, it comes naturally, even if I say: “They’re grown ups, I don’t worry anymore”, but I always worry! A mom is forever a mom, for the rest of her life, she never abandons her role, that she had since the birth of her children. So, I always encourage boys and girls, young people, to have children, not to give up, because giving up means depriving oneself of so many satisfactions in life. Then, if children don’t come it’s another story, or even if it will be a personal choice, one can give love in other ways. It’s not… you can give love to other people: there’s so much to do for the others. But not giving up entirely, I don’t agree with that. That’s pretty much all I wanted to tell you about my life. I did what I planned to do, and I’m happy with that.
Society, unfortunately… today has changed… Today, some don’t want children. I’ve heard that once it was called “vacantìa”, a term I don’t like, which means “without anything”… for a woman who had no children. In this sense, a woman was seen only as a “childbearing machine”. But no, she should not be seen as such. As a woman first of all… even if you decide not to have children, you can always dedicate yourself to others’ children, or to other forms of love, by dedicating it to other people. Maybe the choice I made with my husband was a little selfish, because we wanted the children for ourselves, almost as if they were “ours”. But it is not so: children, from the moment they are born, belong to the world. Therefore, they fly away from the nest, they don’t stay with their parents forever. So, even a woman who doesn’t want children can be the “mother” of many others, of children who don’t live with her but whom she cares for in other ways, thus giving a great contribution to society.
Of course, all has changed, but I continue to encourage young people to have children, because there’s the other side of the coin, as there’s a great satisfaction in watching children grow: they give you so much satisfaction, each child is like a basket that brings in its fruits, everyone brings their way of being, their experience, their genes. Each one in a different way. It’s all worth discovering. But it’s not… today society has changed. However, I say that young people must have a family of their own, then if it is not a “traditional” family they can always dedicate themselves to others. There you have it.»

Gallurese:

AGOSTINA: «Mi cjamu Anna Agostina. Socu di Caragnani. Aggju settant’anni. Attualmenti socu vèdova e socu casalinga. Però socu una mamma di tre fiddóli. Una di corantaséi anni, l’altu corantun’anni, e l’altu lu più minóri à trentaséi anni. Quindi la primma fiddóla l’aggju auta, l’aggju ‘uluta, éra ancóra fidanzata, quindi no éru spusata. E in più éru studiendi: éru a lu telz’annu d’università. E quindi in chissu momentu, da lu momentu chi socu rimasta incinta, aggju durutu abbandunà l’università. Però socu rimasta sempri…aggju aspittatu a nascì la stédda e candu la stédda aia un annu, cun tanta bona ‘ulintai aggju dittu abà dicidu, décu arriani a la meta, mi décu laureà. Éru iscritta in scienze biologiche. Quindi in chissu momentu l’aggju fatta sia pal me, in primma passona, e puru pa’ li me’ genitori, palchì li me’ genitori tandu ani fattu tanti sacrifìcii. Palchì babbu éra un operaju e mamma casalinga, quindi mandamm’a studiani, tandu studiaju in Sassari però éra lu stessu faticósu, faticósu e quindi gravàjani li spési tutti innantu a la famìglia.
Tandu l’aggju prummissu a babbu, aggju dittu “lu faraggju senz’altu”, però ancóra in accoldu cun me’ maritu chi me’ maritu à dittu: “pói ancóra no continuà peroni è gjustu sia pal teni che pa’ la to’ famìglia chi arréi a la conclusioni di lu to’ progettu di ‘ita”.
E cussì aggju fattu. Aggju riprésu a studià, cun sacrifìciu,mi mancàani séi esami, e mi socu laureata. Mi socu laureata e una ‘olta laureata aggju dittu: “be’, abani aggju raggjuntu chistu obbiettivu e cumènciu a trabaddà”. Sólu chi pói so cuminciati li problemi. Palchì li problemi? Palchì aiu la stédda e si n’occupàja mamma, peroni lu trabaddu, no è chi lu trabaddu l’aiu accultu, lu trabaddu.. iscia a longa, Santa Teresa, Golfo Aranci, li supplènzii… quindi diu aé sempri mamma a disposizioni, oppuru me’ sóciara, chi éra però gja ansiana e no si ni pudia occupà di la stédda, e quindi a malincuore socu rimasta a casa, e quindi mi socu rimasta a casa e m’aggju sigutu la stédda.
Pói candu aggju decisu di riprendini è arriatu l’altu stéddu è arriatu… ill’ottantacuattru. È arriatu l’altu stéddu e quindi diu sighì l’altu stéddu. Cand’éra appena più mannu vessu li déci mési aggju fattu una supplenza, aggju riprésu in Olbia, illi ragioniéri, un mési. Dapói, sempri ‘sti supplènzii a longa, tandu eccu, chi’ v’è statu me’ maritu chi à dittu: “E no, basta! No pudemu stani abà cun dui stéddi pultèndili…no c’éra l’asilo nido ”, invecci abani c’è l’asilo nido e quindi dà priorità ancóra a li stéddi di criscì beni e a li mammi di pudé trabaddani. Palchì pói no è chi si trabadda sólu… illu casu méu no è di trabaddà sólu pa’ lu stipéndiu, però própriu palchini… pa’ mittini… pa’ dà calch’e cosa di me e di chissu chi aiu fattu e no rimanini in casa a occupammi sólu di la famìglia, pa’ cantu la famìglia pó dà suddisfazioni. Quindi aggju cilcatu di fà calch’e cosa ma dapói purtroppo, candu lu stéddu méu, lu sigundu, aia sett’anni, aggju duvutu interrompì di colpu, ancóra di l’idea, própriu bocammilla da lu capu, palchì lu stéddu purtroppo à autu una grave malatia, una grave malatia, lu sighìani in Cagliari, una brutta leucemia, è sanatu perfettamente però vi so vuluti anni di lotta e quindi vi diu stà éu sempri a fiancu.
E pói candu lu stéddu…v’éra gja l’altu, lu telzu fiddólu, e quindi aggju dittu: “mi dedichiggju a la famìlia e basta”. E cussì aggju fattu. E socu fiera, però, d’aé fattu chistu. Palchini…palchì aggju cilcatu di dà sempri lu màssimu di chissu chi aggju fattu. E in effetti, a me, tuttu chistu mi l’ani turratu me’ fiddóli, palchì m’ani datu tanti suddisfazioni, tre bravi fiddóli und’ani tutt’e tre studiatu, calch’e unu s’è filmatu primma però à studiatu lu stessu, a lu mancu lu diploma, s’occupiggja di lu so’ trabaddu, di l’azienda la grande, ancóra di piuni da candu è mancatu lu babbu, e quindi tutt’e tre bravi, tutt’e tre bravi, chi trabàddani, e quindi l’agattu… la soddisfazioni méa è stata chissa.
Celtu, abani aggju settant’anni, quindi focciu un riferimentu…un riferimentu direttu l’aggju cun me’ fiddóla, cun me’ fiddóla chi à corantaséi anni, e aggju dui nipóti, unu chi à undici anni e l’altu chi ani ott’anni. Idda trabadda, idda è una commercialista e quindi trabadda… però ancóra idda s’organizziiggja e no trabadda a tempu pienu palchì cilca ancóra idda com’à vistu cun mécu, chi aggju sigutu ancóra la famìlia e lu pó fani, sendi idda… no dipendi da alti passoni ma è a contu sóju, quindi vicu chi… che tantu sacrifìciu sìghini la famìglia, però socu sempri di lu paréri chi li stéddi vi óni e la famìglia vi ó.
E no socu d’accoldu illu fattu chi déni rinunciani a la famìglia… palchì pói la famìglia si, è véru chi ti pidda tantu, chi t’assorbi e chi candu s’è ciòani s’è ciòani: s’à gana d’iscì,s’à gana d’andà, di turrà… la famìglia ti blocca… e pói candu una diventa mamma, diventa mamma pa’ sempri. Palchì cu’ lu pinsamentu éu, cioè umbè di ‘olti mi ‘eni di occupammi, ancóra dicu: ma so manni, no vi décu pinsà… però mi preoccupiggju sempri! Cioè la mamma rimani la mamma… cioè tutta la ‘ita rimani mamma… no abbandona mai lu so’ ruolo, lu chi ani..lu chi à autu cu’ la nascita. E quindi éu socu sempri incuraggjendi a li stéddi, li ciòani, chi déni fà li fiddóli, no déni rinunciani, palchì rinuncià vó dini a no aé celti suddisfazioni illa ‘ita. Si pói li fiddóli no arréani è un’alta cosa, sarà una scelta di la passona chi magari pó dà amóri in alti versi. No è chi… pó dà amóri ancora a telzi passoni: palchì c’è tantu di fà pa’ tutticanti. Però, no di rinunciani. Di rinunciavvi direttamenti éu no socu d’accoldu. Chistu è lu chi v’aggju ‘ulutu raccontani di la me’ ‘ita. Lu chi aggju pinsatu di fani l’aggju fatti, éu socu soddisfatta di chistu.
La socetai purtroppo, abani, abani alcuni no vóni li fiddóli, anni fani aggju ‘ntésu dini chi c’érani chissi… li fèmini chi no aìani li fiddóli li cjamàani… un termine chi a me mancu mi piaci: “vacantia”, “vacanta” vó dini… cioè senza nudda una fèmina chi no facia fiddóli. In chistu sensu una fèmina sigundu me vinia ‘ista com’e produttrice di fiddóli, com’e una màcchina di fà li fiddóli. Invecci no, no dé esse vista cussini, la fèmina dé esse vista… la fèmina innanzituttu pó fà, ancóra si decidi no aé li fiddóli, pó dedicassi ancóra a l’alti fiddóli, o a alti folmi d’amóri, didicall’a alti passoni. Invecci la scelta chi aggju fattu éu, fors’è stata ancóra egoista éu e me’ maritu, palchì li fiddóli l’emu ‘uluti e l’emu ‘uluti pal nói, e quasi… dapói érani nostri, invecci no, siccom’e li fiddóli da lu momentu chi s’ani li fiddóli pói appaltènini a lu mundu. E quindi li fiddóli dapói si n’àndani da lu nidu, no è chi rimani cu’ lu babbu e cu’ la mamma. Quindi la mamma dé esse ancóra lìbbara chi si no vó aé li fiddóli… una fèmina chi no vó aé li fiddóli pó esse mamma ancóra di déci fiddóli, di déci fiddóli chi no ai in casa ma chi si n’occupiggja, si n’occupiggja in tanti manéri. E quindi dà un grossu contributu pa’ la socetai.
Celtu è tuttu cambiatu: éu incentivu li ciòani a aé li fiddóli, palchì? Palchì v’è ancóra l’altu latu di la midadda: chi li fiddóli, li fiddóli ti dani la suddisfazioni li ‘idi criscendi, e quindi ti dani tanta suddisfazioni dugna fiddólu, arréa: è com’e un cistinu chi polta la so frutta ‘ndrentu, un fiddólu. E dugnunu polta in manéra diversa la so’ esperienza, lu so’ módu, lu so’ géni chi à ‘ndrentu a iddu. Li polta in manéra diversa. Quindi è tuttu da scuprini. Peroni no è di… oggji la socetai è cambiata… quindi éu dicu sempri chi li ciòani déni sempri aé la so’ famìglia. Pói déni dicidì: si la famìglia aélla comunque. D’occupassi di calch’e famìglia ancóra. Ecco.»

Vuoi ascoltare e leggere altre testimonianze? Sostieni l’archivio vivo di Lunàdigas!